Craving
by Isinglass Queen
Summary: Bella doesn't remember much from The Time Before. All she knows is that once she used to have a heartbeat in her chest and the world was different. Now she wanders through ruins of great city, alone and indifferent, until she meets him. He's almost too alive and seems to care too much. Will Bella and Edward find safe haven in between life and death in the world that's no more?
1. and then you die

**A/N: I don't own any of the characters. Just the crazy plot. I hope you'll like it! Please, _please_ hit the review button!**

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Chapter 1.  
And then you die

…and then you die and things get easier. There's no more pain, no more heartache and you're finally free. That's what she'd say if someone asked her how it felt to be dead. She'd probably include a few more poetic (slash-pretentious) descriptions of walking through the walls and floating above the ground. It was all quite dreamy, if you found the right words.

But there was no one. Bella was all alone. Walking through the walls of abandoned buildings – all alone. Floating above the ground burnt to ashes – all alone. No one to listen to her story, no one to witness her existence. Bella believed that her _state_ could be still called existence, after all, she was conscious and, well, not exactly alive and kicking (not at all in fact), but she was there. She _was_.

The world was strange in her eyes. A bit forsaken. The city where she lingered on seemed almost completely deserted. The only evidence of human life were cars moving through the ruins at dawn every day. Bella had her favourite spot to watch them, at the corner of two once-busy streets – every morning as the sky turned pale green (such a strange colour, she thought idly), they travelled through the empty streets with a sense of purpose that only living people can produce. Bella was sure there were living people actually driving those cars, although she didn't have any good argument to back up her theory. Maybe except a strange feeling that she wouldn't bother with a car herself, now that she was indestructible.

The cars were heavily armoured, but they seemed somehow worn out. The sound of the engines wasn't healthy. With all the colours drained and windows painted black, the cars looked different from how Bella remembered them from The Time Before. She knew that back then the sky hadn't been green either. How strange it all was. Sometimes she wondered whether this was how the world really looked, or was death clouding her vision. Maybe everything lived on perfectly normal, but was distorted in her cold, unliving eyes?

She couldn't hold onto that for too long, though. One thing she had quickly learnt was that with her almost unbearable lightness that made walking through walls possible came lack of real interest in anything. Even the cars – she did watch them passing through the city every morning, but soon after they disappeared into the maze of quiet buildings, she no longer cared. She watched them only to, perhaps, mark passing of time in her perfectly still existence.

This morning she was sitting on the windowsill of one of the buildings, too, and calmly waited for the cavalcade of cars to pass in front of her. The sky had just the right colour, when she heard the distant rumble of the engines. She smiled to herself. The time does exist, the life goes on, the world is not dead, it's just me.

The cars soon emerged from behind the corner, driving past her, one by one. Bella wanted to know where were they coming from, or what was their destination, but she didn't feel like it was important enough to follow them. Soon these people will die, too and spend their eternities watching the leftovers of the old world.

Suddenly, something caught her attention. The last of the cars abruptly slowed down, its engine coughing up a few little clouds of smoke and dying. The car stopped in the middle of the road. Bella thought that it looked like a lost child, or, better yet, like an abandoned child, watching helplessly as its parents are walking away without a glance over their shoulders. None of other cars stopped.

So much for the quiet morning, she thought, as she half-walked and half-floated a little nearer to the broken car. She stopped by a half-ruined monument nearby. It had been a magnificent thing once, in The Time Before, a statue of proud man, looking down at the small passers-by, but now only his legs were remaining, the rest scattered everywhere, pitiful marble human remains.

The door of the car opened and someone got out of it. Bella was quite shaken. She couldn't recall seeing any other human being, neither alive or dead. She'd been watching the cars every dawn for so long, but to see an actual person, that was something entirely else. She wasn't sure whether she liked it or not.

There is a certain beauty to my solitude, walking in the air like a godsend to the dead world, she thought, but now she had a proof that the world wasn't dead at all – it was just her with no heartbeat in her chest.

The human who got out of the car was dressed in the strangest mix of clothes and scraps of material. Bella looked down at her own dress – delicate silk, almost exact shade of the sky at that moment, perfectly clean and slightly undefined, like her whole figure. The man on the road, on the other hand, he was very defined, all covered in dirt and Bella knew that if she dared to get closer, she could feel warmth emanating from him.

He was standing with his back turned on her, looking under the hood of the car. From his angry muttering, she concluded the damage was serious. She didn't want to be interested in this potential tragedy, but she couldn't help it. She soundlessly moved a little closer to the man, who was still working on the dead engine.

She knew she was more than quiet. And more than pale. There was no reason to be afraid. Something told her, some distant memory from The Time Before, that the living could not see ghosts. And that's what she was – a sad, lonely ghost in a green dress, haunting the dead city. Calm and cold. Adrift and at peace.

And then he turned around. His eyes were green and held all the light of the world. And he was looking right at her.

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 **A/N: Phew! Chapter 1 committed! :] Please let me know what you think! I'll be eternally grateful for any comments! :]**


	2. God bless the fallen

**A/N: So, here's another chapter of my crazy little story. Naturally, I don't own any of the characters, I only own this crazy little plot :)**

 **Thank you guys for an amazing response to the first chapter! I totally didn't expect that! I hope you'll like this one - please let me know in the comments what you think!**

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Chapter 2.  
God bless the fallen

And then she died and things were supposed to get easier. She was supposed to be weightless, quiet and indifferent. She was meant to be cold, like the world around her. Still and resigned as the ruins in which she spent her little eternity.

But she had to mess it up, even that.

Curiosity killed the cat, they say. What does curiosity do to the dead?

Bella felt painfully exposed, almost naked under the penetrating gaze of the stranger. Her green dress was insubstantial and she wondered whether he could see through the delicate silk. Could he actually see through her dress? Could he notice all the curves of her pale, _ghostly pale_ skin? Or the lack of goosebumps despite the coldness of the morning; the inexplicable scar on her neck, the glasslike fingernails, so inhuman? She wasn't sure what to do with that thought.

The way he looked at her, it really seemed as if he could.

Bella couldn't quite comprehend how was it possible to capture that much light in one's eyes and to still appear – vulnerable. She studied the man's face with dizzying interest. And it was such a perfect face: all features complete, no blurriness like when she looked at her own reflection. The man's skin was covered in dirt and dust and it was tanned from the merciless sun. His lips were chapped and dry, his hair unkempt. And yet, there was so much beauty about him that Bella wanted to cry.

She wouldn't know whether these would be tears of craving or anger.

"So it's true. You're real" the man said. His voice was surprisingly pleasant and it took Bella good few moments to focus on the words. When she did, cold terror came over her. As if she wasn't cold enough already.

The mornings in the city were cold, indeed, but then the sun would rise, the green sky would burn and the life would fade a bit more, until, perhaps, everything would become more like Bella: blurry and obscure. There were countless times she had felt unreal. Not exactly dead, more like – unfinished. As if God had abandoned creating her halfway through, disappointed with the results. She would often scare little insects with the coldness of her touch, just to convince herself that she was there. That she _was_.

And now this stranger, who couldn't be older than twenty, talked about her as if he had expected to her existence to be true. Yeah, not only could he see her, but, clearly, he wasn't surprised to see her. Well, not much.

"You look just like they said you would" he said. Again, that voice. Bella raised her eyebrows in question. She wasn't going to talk, not just yet.

"Oh, you know, the people who pass through here every day" the man smiled somewhat bitterly. Bella realized she was smiling herself. I must look deranged, she thought with slight panic, but she found it impossible to look sad or scary while the man was talking to her in such a sexy voice.

"They kept saying that a woman in green dress haunts these streets," he went on, "Day in, day out, you're always watching them like an omen of death…. I didn't believe it, but here you are" he finished with a satisfied grin and Bella knew it was her turn to talk. Or to act.

In an instant she moved closer to him, so close that she could see the green and golden sparks in the irises of his eyes. She could feel the warmth emanating from him, so different than the impersonal heat of the sun – so much better. His tumultuous heartbeat. Blood roaring furiously through his veins. Dark, depthless pupils of his eyes, slightly bigger now.

Who are you, she wanted to ask but she decided against it. Instead, she pressed her dead-cold lips to his and inhaled. It wasn't as much of a decision, really, as an instinct. Something very primal, almost as inhuman as death itself.

What would happen if she was able to make his heart stop? Would she breathe his life inside her?

The man's lips were deliciously warm, pulsing in tune with his heartbeat. Bella wrapped her white arms around his neck, a gesture more desperate than possessive, but, as soon as she did it, a paralyzing wave of pain shot through her whole body.

Oh, but I'm dead already, she wanted to say, she wanted to laugh, but she felt herself being pulled away from the man by an invisible current. The warmth she'd felt for one blessed moment vanished. She watched helplessly at the distance between them growing.

"You're one of them" the man stated. It took all Bella's strength to fight against the mysterious force and look at the man again. He was holding something in his hands. Her vision was spinning from the shock, and she couldn't quite see what that was. She could hear him though.

"You're one of the fallen" he said. The light in his eyes even brighter now, but somehow less human. The air sparked with electricity. As the coldness in her limbs was reaching its usual lows, Bella focused more. Who would have thought that meeting a living human would make her act so…crazy?

And that was when she saw it. A simple cross in his hands. Cheap and rusty. Yet, it must have been the cross that send the shot of pain through her dead body – something she hadn't expected to experience anymore. She remembered the sensation of physical pain from The Time Before, but it wasn't a particularly vivid memory. The pain she'd felt just moments before was more than just real.

It was like dying all over again. And again. And again.

"Who are the fallen?" she asked. Her own voice sounded utterly alien to her. Shaky, metallic and cold. Impersonal. Bella wasn't sure how long it's been since she spoke out loud. The land of the dead is the quiet one.

The man looked at her, taken aback.

"You don't know?" he asked, "The fallen are what we came here to kill."

That voice. Bella could die happily listening to his voice, even if she was dead already. Except now, he might finish the crappy job God – or whoever else – had done and kill her again. And she wasn't ready for oblivion. Not just yet.

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 **A/N: Thank you for reading this! Now - hit the review button and let me know what you think so far :]**


	3. she smiled like death

**A/N: Here goes another chapter, what can I say - I really, really hope you like it!**  
 **Disclaimer, as always: I do not own any of the characters recognizable, they all belong to Stephenie Meyer. I only own the universe where the plot takes place and, well, the plot itself. Not much, but - it's a start :P**

 **Please hit the review button and let me know what did you think about this chapter!**

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Chapter 3.  
She smiled like death

Edward felt the tingling on his lips long after the ice-cold kiss had ended. It was the strangest sensation. Not entirely unpleasant. Not something he'd admit, ever, to anyone.

It was a bit like that one time when they had travelled far north and he'd seen snow for the first time in his life. He was just fifteen, but he remembered it very well: after all, it seemed like a unique experience, at least until now. He had stared at the heavy white flakes silently falling from dusty clouds and erasing dirty world. It was pristine. His teeth were chattering but he ignored it, transfixed on the spectacle. They were camping in the woods and he was the only one not snuggled around the fire. Instead he contemplated the severe beauty surrounding him. At one point he actually lied down in the snow, facing the sky and if it wasn't for Carlisle, Edward would have frozen to death. Which, at the time, seemed like a good solution.

The coldness had been like a medicine to all his fears and nightmares. Finally, he had felt at peace. He had ended up with frostbites and an apparent death wish made official.

The kiss felt like that. Cold to the marrow of his bones. Almost familiar now. Except, as the fallen girl pressed her perfect pale lips against his, Edward heard the sudden pounding of blood in his temples and his heart raced up as if trying to escape the ice that was crawling deeper down into his body through his mouth. Was it how the death tasted, he wondered idly, as his hand reached for the cross.

He didn't want to do this. He hadn't wanted to since the very beginning, but this was how things were. You needed initiation before you could go scavenging in more dangerous places than that deserted city. The strange ghost-like girl had seemed like a perfect target, since they hadn't known for sure whether she was the fallen or not.

Well, now he knew. The famous kiss of the fallen didn't leave much space for second-guessing. Edward hadn't expected this fragile creature to lash out him straight away like that, and he was grateful for the countless hours of excruciating training with Emmett. He knew he wouldn't thank him anyway, it's not like Emmett needed any more praise for his skills than he was getting already.

The cross burned his palm, but Edward didn't dare to let go of it. The girl seemed almost as surprised by the turn of events as he was, but he didn't trust her. Not when she looked at him with those big brown eyes, nor when she asked, genuinely stunned, what were the fallen. He had never heard of the fallen who wouldn't know what he or she was.

And yet. There was something in the way she looked at him. There was strange vulnerability in the way her lips slightly trembled as she spoke. Her voice was so…dead. Edward couldn't think of any better word to describe it. Yes, it was cold, yes it was somewhat unreal, but most of all it was dead. As if she spoke from behind some thick curtain, standing on a stage in a dusty old theatre. But the girls' eyes were too innocent. He couldn't stand it. And he hated himself for what he said next.

"You don't know? The fallen are what we came here to kill."

She looked as if she couldn't comprehend what she'd just heard. Edward grasped the cross tighter and prepared himself for another blow, focusing on the warm metal in his hand. As always, he felt the energy larger than life rushing through him. Even if he didn't fully understand it, the feeling was divine.

It didn't matter that the girl's eyes were so damn innocent. It didn't matter that her skin was like porcelain and that her hands were now shaking. It didn't matter that his own lips still burnt from the kiss. What he was about to do was right, it was survival.

And then she smiled at him, unexpectedly, and she answered his thoughts. "Perhaps survival is insufficient."

Perhaps.

Edward was stunned. Did she dig out this sentence from the depths of his mind which she'd surely penetrated with her magic during that kiss? Did he give himself up too willingly to her cold lips? They'd all warned him not to take anything for granted, as the fallen were cunning and deadly creatures. It looked like he had failed. He was glad no one was there to witness his defeat.

The moment was gone; he knew he wouldn't be able to aim the cross at her now. He had to think of another strategy, and quick. Even if the girl had no clue what she was, she acted on instincts very well. She'd killed him, if not for the cross. Most likely she hadn't even expected the cross, otherwise she wouldn't have attacked so recklessly.

"Who are the fallen?" she asked again.

"They are like you." Edward wasn't sure how to put into words the unpleasant truth. It occurred to him that the last thing he should worry about was hurting this fallen girl's feelings. Still, he struggled.

"You mean harmless ghosts?" the girl raised her eyebrows. Edward couldn't help but observe how lovely her face was. Surely, it couldn't be a face of a heartless killer.

"Hey, you've just tried to kill me, I wouldn't exactly call it harmless" he said anyway. When she gave him puzzled look, he added: "That kiss? Few more seconds and it would've sucked the life out of me, honey."

"My God" the girl whispered. She was standing few meters away; Edward could see otherworldly reflections the rising sun was making in her long brown hair, but what stroke him more were the tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry." He said, "The fallen…they are…Well, we've been encountering them since The Collapse. We don't know much, but what we know ain't cute, girl. If – if someone was killed in an awful enough way, they'd become the fallen. And then they – "

"Kiss strangers without warning?" the girl asked. Edward would swear he saw a smirk on her lips. It was just a split of a second, though, because then – she was gone.

"One hell of an initiation" he muttered to himself. He put the cross back to the pocket and looked around in exasperation. The girl could be anywhere. He had roughly 24 hours to find her, but Edward would track her down before midday for sure. There were certain things about the fallen that he knew and she didn't seem to have a clue about. There were certain things about him that she didn't have a clue about. Like, for instance, giving up was not in his nature. He would track her down and then, inevitably, he'd finish what he started. It was survival.

"I _really_ hope you hid well, girl," he said out loud, as he set out to the nearest once-splendid skyscraper. He walked slowly, almost reluctantly. The last thing he wanted was to find her.

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 **A/N: if you're reading this you got through the chapter 003 :D thank you so much for reading my crazy little story! Please let me know what you think in the comments!**


	4. things we do not know

**A/N: So, here's another chapter...This one is a bit longer, but I hope *some* answers are delivered here :) I also really hope you'll like it!**  
 **Disclaimer: I don't own anything that you might recognize from 's books. Only the collapsed world and the crazy plot are mine :)**

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Chapter 4.  
The things we do not know

The city was quiet in a familiar, almost serene way. Not a living sound, just an ever-present buzzing of mosquitoes and flies and wind wailing in distance. As Bella walked through the cold concrete walls and passed recognizable places, she was slowly regaining her composure. By the time she reached the city centre, she felt more like herself. Not entirely, but close enough. Like the harmless ghost she was.

Or was she?

Bella was trying to forget the way the boy had made it sound. _The fallen._ Like she was some kind of a monster, a threat to the ones with the heartbeat. She shook her head; it simply couldn't be. She had never felt the slightest ping of aggression towards anything. She was just curious. All she'd wanted was to see the person driving that car, a living person, real and not blurry like her. To somehow prove to herself that the world is not completely dead yet. It was nothing else, nothing more.

"Damn it!" she swore out loud and kicked the nearest object, which happened to be an empty dustbin. To her surprise, the dustbin actually moved. She watched it rolling across the floor scattered with papers. Bella couldn't recall doing something like that so effortlessly. Usually it would take all her focus and willpower to touch things, let alone angrily kick them.

She looked around stunned. She was standing in the middle of a vast office. Most of the furniture was damaged; chairs were stacked in the weirdest constructions. Bella had a vague memory of being here before and as she looked at three chairs piled on top of each other, she remembered spending a long, frustrating day in that office. It had taken all her energy to grab those chairs and put on top of each other. And here she was now, kicking the freaking dustbin without a second thought.

She bit her lip. It had to be the kiss.

She walked through a few more rooms, comforting chill rushing through her body with every wall she penetrated. When she finally reached the toilets, she took a large piece of a broken mirror in her hands and headed back towards a place with daylight. This time she used doors.

It didn't escape her attention that holding the glass in her hand was easier than usually, too. And, as she got out of the dark restroom, she looked at her reflection and gasped.

Was she hallucinating or did her cheeks have some more colour to them? Well, if not colour, then certainly – a definition. Her eyes seemed more focused, too. And her lips…She dropped the mirror to the floor and touched her lips with hesitation. There was something, some hint of warmth there.

So it _was_ the kiss.

"Just think, Bella" she whispered to herself, "Think for a second". What had the boy said? That they had come here to kill the fallen. But…why? Did he say why exactly? Bella frowned. The tingling sensation in her lips was distracting and, at the same time, it was good. She knew it was good. The boy said she was going to "suck the life out of him", but this couldn't be the truth. She wasn't a killer.

Except, maybe she was? The boy seemed dead serious about everything he said. Still, Bella had so many questions. Maybe she should – although it seemed utterly insane – maybe she should try to get more answers?

She approached the nearest window and looked at the street below. It was empty, no sign of the living human and his car. Bella suspected the car wasn't truly damaged, but she couldn't rationally explain why she thought that. Just as she couldn't rationally explain the new emotion that came over her. She wanted more of that warmth.

She definitely wasn't going to "suck the life out of him", she just wanted a little bit more of definition to herself. She floated out from the building and quickly, inhumanly quickly, searched through the nearest streets. Her head was swimming with cautions, but she proceeded with determination, until she found him.

It was as if he was waiting for her. He was leaning against his car – which was, indeed, working, because it'd driven him much closer to the city centre than he'd been before. He smiled triumphantly when he saw her.

"Missed me much?" he greeted her. He had obviously made an effort to look relaxed, but his voice was strained. Bella wondered whether he was more afraid of her than she was of him. She noticed he was holding the metal cross in his hand. Ready to attack, in case she'd try to kiss him again.

"It's all quite absurd, isn't it?" she said, as she slowly approached him. The sun was getting higher and the air had the distinctive dryness to it, Bella knew that soon the heat will become unbearable. Not for her, naturally. She was past that kind of drawbacks. The boy, though, will have to look for a shelter.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," the boy said, his grip on the cross tightening. "I know I'm hot, but girls usually wait longer till they throw themselves at me."

"You're not that hot," Bella replied. He totally was. "I didn't mean to do that."

"Of course not, honey. It's just that you happen to be one of the fallen and you _just_ couldn't help yourself," he said it in a mocking tone. Bella took a few steps closer and held her hands up in a gesture of surrender. It occurred to her that the situation was quite ironic, because the last thing she'd have to do was to surrender. She could disappear in a split of second if she'd want to.

But you're still here, aren't you, a tiny voice at the back of her head whispered. She didn't like that voice at all. She thought that being dead would free her from it. Where's the fun in having a conscience for eternity?

"I don't know what the fallen are," she said. She was standing now just a few meters away from the guy, her hands still held up. She hoped she sounded more fragile than she felt. Because she felt mostly thirsty. Her lips were almost itchy at that point; a sensation she hadn't experienced since…when?

"I told you, didn't I?"

"But I don't understand!" she said. Just one step closer, she thought, and as soon as that thought formed in her head, she took a few steps back. No, she wasn't the monster he'd like her to be. She wasn't going to do anything to him.

The boy raised an eyebrow at her. "There isn't much to it, really. You kill them or they kill you. Simple as that."

"But why do they kill you in the first place?! And how do you kill them if they're, as you said, already dead?"

"Hey, aren't you a curious-one?" the boy smiled at her. "And you didn't even ask my name. I'm disappointed."

"I told you, you're not that hot," Bella bit her lip to supress a smile. This boy really had the sexiest voice. She wasn't sure what she'd based that judgement on, but there it was. And yeah, he was _that_ hot.

"Edward. Nice to meet you," he said.

"Bella. And pleasure's all mine," she replied and finally let her hands fall down from that stupid surrender gesture. "Why don't you just kill me, Edward?" she asked and watched him being completely taken aback. He opened his mouth and then he closed it. Clearly, he did not expect that question. And it looked like he wasn't sure of the answer himself.

"That's what you came here to do, no?" she carried on. Her lips were itchy and she was unpleasantly aware of the warmth emanating from Edward, even at that distance, his body temperature had that pull; it was making her very uncomfortable. Is it possible, she thought with dismay, that the only reason I haven't killed anyone is because I haven't met anyone at all?

She could not remember how long she'd been roaming the city for but she was certain that Edward was the first living person she encountered. And, since she couldn't remember anything before being in the city, maybe this was where she died? Or – where she'd been killed, to be precise, if what Edward had told her was true, that to become the fallen, you had to get killed in some nasty way.

"I don't think you're dangerous," Edward said after a long pause.

"Didn't I just – what was it – sucked the life out of you, though?" Bella smirked. She could see that Edward was getting more and more distressed. She couldn't understand why, but it did seem like he wasn't a cold-blooded executioner he posed to be. "Am I not some kind of terrible monster? What if I attack you again? How can you know I won't?"

"Well, you don't strike me as dumb." He said, "You know what that cross can do to you."

"But – why?" she raised her hands impatiently. She really wanted to understand. The boy just stared blankly at her. Bella could see sweat dripping from his chin. He pressed his hand against his forehead, he was exasperated.

"I don't know, ok?!" he finally said. Not quite the answer Bella wanted. "I don't know why this cross is my weapon. But it works, so don't you think I won't use it on you again! And no, I don't know why is it that you need my energy, but…." He hesitated and looked at her with what seemed like pity. "You are not like any other of them. You seem so, I don't know, lost and innocent, it'd be like killing a child or a puppy…The others, they are ruthless, all they want is to, yes, to suck the life out of us. And they keep going for it on and on. Again and again. It's like a drug for the dead. Like…like brains for zombies, you know? It gives them illusion of having life again. I'm sure you felt it, too, after, you know, the kiss. Didn't you feel less – _dead_ , Bella?"

She nodded. There was no point denying it. She stole some life from this boy and, even though it was so wrong – it was so right. It felt right. And she knew she'll do it again.

The silence between them grew more tense with every passing second. And nothing was disturbing it: flies stopped buzzing and the wind howling without conviction in some distant empty streets died away, suffocated by the midday heat. A terrible smile crept onto Bella's tingling lips.

"Now, what are we gonna do about that cross of yours?"

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 **A/N: Now, I owe you guys a little clarification: English isn't my first language, so if something sounds silly, I do apologize! (if something is really off, do let me know, please? :* )**

 **Thanks for reading! Don't forget to hit the review button, you know where it is! :)**


	5. just a little bit warmer

**A/N: Here's another chapter of my crazy little story! Thanks so much for reading it so far!**  
 **Disclaimer: I do not own any characters recognizable from the books by Stephenie Meyer!**

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Chapter 5.  
Just a little bit warmer

She didn't want to attack him. And certainly she did not want to kill him.

All she wanted was to for her lips to stop itching for his warmth, for her dead heart to stop aching for his life. Was it such a sin?

Edward was fast, but she was faster. After all, he had to abide by the laws of physics. She was long past that. He drew the cross out like a gun, but Bella stroke it out of his hands. He didn't even see her, until it was too late. For one painstakingly quiet moment they both looked at the rusty cross tossed few meters away, too far for him to reach. What am I, Bella wondered, as she became acutely aware of Edward's heart beat speeding up, fueled by panic. His hands were trembling, he'd lost his twelve-o-clock-western-like duel before it has even started, and she would feel sorry for him, maybe, if it wasn't for that newfound thirst. And she would leave him alone, disgusted with herself, if she didn't feel the stolen warmth escaping from her with every second. She was fading, quite literally.

"Do what you gotta do, leech." Despite loathing tone, Edward managed a resigned smile. It struck Bella harder than she would have expected. He was practically a stranger. And, yet, he was the first living person she remembered meeting – and he hated her. The hunger for his life still felt right, but his hatred didn't. Bella wished her conscience would either shut up or take over. Being a monster with functioning moral sense was very inconvenient.

She approached him slowly and placed her hands on his chest. He didn't protest, it would be pointless, his hands would just go through her, she was too insubstantial for him to grab, hit or push away. And she had to concentrate really hard for her palms not to sink deep into his body. It occurred to her that, maybe, this wouldn't be such a bad idea, a shock-wave of cold would knock him out and her job would be that much easier.

"But I'm not trying to kill you." She whispered to convince herself rather than Edward, and kissed him softly.

It was like music pounding in her veins, or like sunshine flowing through her bloodstream. Every cell of her body was ignited with heat. She inhaled through the kiss and she saw herself standing in a room, which, somehow she knew was hers, in front of a vast window. The window was closed, but the curtains were pushed back and the sunshine was pouring in. The trees outside didn't have the leaves yet, only tiny buds, but the warmth was delicious. She touched the glass and smiled. She felt calm and stupidly content. She looked down at the street outside: a car stopped in front of the house and excitement rushed over Bella. She'd been waiting for him to arrive for so long, finally he was here! She turned to run downstairs to greet him, but as she turned, she the room disappeared and she saw only empty street of the ruined city.

She inhaled sharply. Was that an actual memory? Who was she waiting for?

Edward was on his knees, gasping for air. He was holding his chest in pain. He must have had serious frostbites from where she'd touched him. His face was ghostly pale. Bella was standing a few steps away from him, utterly shocked, both by her vision and by the potentially lethal affect her kiss had on the boy. It couldn't have been longer than a few seconds – two, three maybe? – and Edward seemed at the verge of passing out. The warmth emanating from him was considerably weaker, too.

Bella looked at her hands. They were even more defined now.

"One hell of a kiss, leech." Edward muttered in a barely audible, hollow voice. He tried to stand up, but it still seemed like too much of an effort and he fell onto his knees again. Bella couldn't help but notice that he fell a little bit closer to where his cross was. Not very subtle. But then, again, he must have been too desperate for subtlety.

"I didn't kill you." Bella walked over to the cross and kicked it further away, all the while looking at Edward, who didn't even try to hide his anger anymore. He shrugged his arms. "You will, though, won't you?"

Bella shrugged her arms too, mocking his gesture. She was still overwhelmed by the memory of her room and that feeling of calmness, happiness and anticipation. Who was it that she'd been waiting for with such an anticipation? She'd had a lot of images from The Time Before in her cold, somehow stagnant mind, but they were all very basic– more of how the world used to be in general, rather than recollections of her own life. This was the first one.

"You will." Edward answered and stumbled to his feet. Sweat was dripping off his face, he wiped it off impatiently. He was swaying in the heat. Bella had to admit that even in such a defeated, wrecked state, he looked really attractive and, despite his best attempts to look bad-ass and hostile, there was real kindness about him, and something that made her want to smile.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I guess you were right and I just can't help myself. I'm a wicked little monster, ain't I?"

"How does it feel?" he asked out of the blue. Bella gave him surprised look. "I've seen a few folks being kissed by the fallen and I've always wondered – what do you get out of it? It does make you look less dead, I gotta say, but – how does it feel?"

"Are you actually asking me this or are you just stalling for time, because, I don't know, your friends are on a way to rescue you?" Bella asked, eyeing him suspiciously. She couldn't hear any disturbing noises anywhere; the city was still coated in the midday silence.

"I am – I'm asking." He said. He ran his hand through his hair in exasperation. Maybe he really thought she would kill him.

"It's like when you're in love," Bella felt her cheeks blush, "And you're waiting for that person you love to come home, you're waiting by the window, and then there's that moment when the car pulls over and he gets out of and you feel – "

"Are you serious?! Are you really selling me this teary crap?" Edward interrupted. He took a small step towards the cross, but he was still too drained to run, or even walk towards it. "Why won't you just say it for what it is? You got all juicy goosey, leech!"

"I did – what? No! That's not what I mean!" Bella walked over to the cross and carefully took it into her hands. She half-expected electric shock to knock her out when she touched the cold metal, but nothing happened. The cross was surprisingly heavy and Bella knew that on a normal day it wouldn't be all that easy to hold such an object. Now, though, she had all this new energy rushing through her.

Edward stared at her in pure terror as she approached him. He visibly tensed, readied himself for a certain attack. His beautiful green eyes clouded with fear and exhaustion.

"So you wait for that person you love to come home. And he does. And you want to run to him and then," she smiled bitterly, "– then you realize you're not there. You're in a ruined city, in a ruined world. And you're ruined, too."

Bella wasn't going to kill him, no. She placed the cross in his sweaty, shaking hand and walked away without a second glance.

She would not kill him. She might just wait for his friends to come back for him and…well, she really wanted to know who was it that she'd been waiting for on that warm, spring day before the world went to hell.

* * *

 **A/N: Thanks for getting this far! I hope you liked it - please leave a review and let me know what you think!**  
 **~isinglass queen.**


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